Wednesday, February 26, 2014

A Open Letter To A Friend

Dear ________________

                Hello! I've been missing you terribly these last few months. It's strange not having you around to talk to face to face, or to grab a drink with, or just to hang out. I know I'm really terrible at keeping in touch and for that I greatly apologize. Sometimes it's hard to balance being present in my life here and making sure I'm keeping my relationships going back home.

I've been here almost 7 months! It's kind of like up until 6 months I felt like I had all the time in the world and now that I'm past it, it's racing towards the finish line. A coworker asked me this morning if I'm feeling happy or sad about returning home in just a few short months. I couldn't answer him.

The truth is, it's a complicated answer. You know this from experience. It's always bittersweet to leave a place. There are things here that have been incredible, and things that have been really difficult. I know that the years to come at home will be incredible and really difficult. The truth is, it's both. There are days I wake up so super excited to be getting closer to the start of medical school, being back near my family, my church, my friends. And then there are days where I wake up, so completely happy to be in this beautiful country, to spend the days with my students and friends, to have spontaneous adventures exploring the country. There are also days when I wake up terrified to start medical school, afraid I've forgotten how to study, that I'll never be able to figure out how to properly use a stethoscope. And days when I wake up struggling to understand the language and culture and wishing more than anything to be at home drinking a martini with my mom and dad.

I do still have about 5 months left here, so it's probably premature to be worrying about any of this, but it feels good to express it to you.

One thing I've realized in my time here, is that all my experiences have value. It's kind of overwhelming to think about all the possibilities that have been and could be presented in my life, and the paths I've taken oddly enough seem to be converging. It's pretty cool actually.

I say this not to brag about having my life figured out. I'm absolutely positive that any preconceived notions I have about my future will be completely wrong, and I've definitely spent some time feeling lost and unsure of where I want to be in life. We all have. I think it's necessary in order to finally be able to find a path that leads somewhere.

My goal for the rest of my journey here is to try to focus less on what is coming in my life, and be present in what is happening now. I know for a fact that when my time comes to return home I'll be devastatingly sad and deliriously happy all at the same time. I will feel ALL the emotions. I know this. So I shouldn't (and can't) worry about it, even though I'm very good at worrying.

Keep a night open for me for when I'm back so we can have that drink and that hangout time and I can tell you all about my adventures about how I made friends with many different species of birds, explored caves, helped deliver a baby, and had the opportunity to teach. My life is awesome here and I can't wait to tell you all about it. I miss you. I love you. Write soon.

So much love!